Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
