After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
