We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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