talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
