I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
