so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
