if you like me you must not know who I am
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
