its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
