SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
