Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Can I color on your dick again?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
