you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
