Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How's work?
Spinning.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
