Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
