Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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