so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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