Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
