Sponge bath it is.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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