Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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