haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
