the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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