you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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