so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
