Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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