I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
