whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
