Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
