a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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