Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
