she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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