Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
