I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
