what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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