So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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