well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
