i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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