getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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