Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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