i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
