Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
