I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
