your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
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You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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