After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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