I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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