He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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