I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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