that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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