I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
