I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need to align my fucking chakras
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
