Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
