You can't motorboat a personality
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
