Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
