Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Green mimosas i think yes
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
