remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
