Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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