i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
