Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
