3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
