He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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