High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
