So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
