You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
