Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
