hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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