Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
