Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
