I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
two words: eviction party
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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