If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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