how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
