I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
