My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
