Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
