they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
