I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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