Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
