We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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