Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
