My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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