this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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