I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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