and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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