Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
