Banned from zoo.
Again?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
