you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
