I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
