do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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