If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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