I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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