we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
