Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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